Commitment
The very first day we started dating, I asked Vanesa if she would be willing to follow me to the U.S. in the future. We have continued to talk about this because it will be the most important issue we confront. Last Saturday, we had our most in depth conversation yet. I was forthcoming and told her although I was trying with all my might, I could not yet conceive of living outside of the United States. This was not because of money or possessions but because of the countless opportunities that we enjoy and the hope in the future. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I wanted to express my most honest observation of my feelings.
While it felt good to share my sentiments, I had an incomplete love for Vanesa and it ate away at me the next few days. If I seriously expected this woman to be willing to follow me anywhere in the world, I had to be willing to do the same for her. I couldn’t ask her to make a sacrifice I was not willing to make. I came to realize that true love between a man and a woman places the other before all else. They come before country, culture, comfort, and even one’s own family. While books, counselors, preachers, or other married couples can tell you this, it’s completely different when you understand it for yourself.
At first it sounded like a movie or novel with the valiant hero scouring the ends of the earth for his true love. But I came to realize it was the truth. Vanesa was more important to me than anything else in the world, period. Whatever it would take, I wanted to be with her. When I shared this with her later, we both had tears in our eyes and a lot of joy in our hearts. She already felt the same way and reminded me of this. Money had never mattered to her and she had no interest in moving only to raise her standard of living. If she were to move to the US, it would be because she trusts me and wants to follow me wherever God leads us. A man cannot ask for much more from a woman than this, although I am fortunate that Vanesa offers me much more than I could have asked for.
I do not know what the future holds or where it will take us. Trusting God is not an excuse to avoid talking and confronting a difficult discussion. It’s part of the equation. We will both trust God and talk, fight, cry and do whatever is necessary to ensure we are on the same page and following God. We both agree that we are not going to lose the love of a lifetime because of fear of the unknown. I have found an amazing woman and would appreciate the prayers of anyone willing to ask God to give us wisdom.
