Faithfulness
Vanesa came over today after work and we relaxed and watched a hilarious movie named Scoop. After talking for a while, with both of us ravenously hungry, we went to Xalapa for some hard to find Mexican food. We were both tired and a little quiet after having talked quite a bit earlier. This changed when I told her about the difficulties of a work companion of someone I know. His wife had been cheating on him and when he found out, she had no desire to change. Rather, she has continued to see her lover and shows no signs of remorse or shame. Obviously, they are headed for an inevitable divorce.
As I slowly recounted this sad story in my best Spanish, Vanesa’s countenance became very serious. She told me this would be the one thing for which she would not be able to forgive her husband. It would be impossible to return to the level of trust or intimacy that existed before the affair, no matter the remorse demonstrated or forgiveness requested. In complete agreement, I mentioned marital unfaithfulness is the only justification for divorce mentioned in the Bible and this allowance illustrates the power of the sexual relationship. Little did I know how strongly she had been wanting someone who would be faithful to her forever.
As Paul experienced in Mexico, there exists a different social norm in Latin America when it comes to adultery. Not only is it common for men to become bored with their wives and have girlfriends on the side, it’s accepted and seen as a near necessity. Men will talk or joke about their affairs with other guys and don’t go bother trying to hide their lascivious escapades like those in the U.S. There isn’t a sense of shame or wrongdoing like that to which we are accustomed. What saddens me even more is the situation isn’t much better within the Church community. Vanesa knows only one couple that married as virgins and doesn’t know anyone that hasn’t experienced adultery in their marriage. Most have given into the lie that having a pure relationship is an impossible, antiquated notion.
Given this cultural reality, she had two fears when thinking about marriage. The first was safely marrying a libido-less, distant Christian man with whom she would not able to share the fiery passion with which God has disproportionately blessed the Latin women. The second was an inability to encounter someone who would agree with and respect her values before marriage and remain eternally faithful after taking his vows.
As I shared with Vanesa, I would rather share a lifetime of trusting and passionate love with one person than half-hearted love with many women. The power and satisfaction of such a relationship cannot be equaled by any satiation of one’s lusts. She has always appreciated my different outlook and this night only deepened her desire to be with me. Now I understand what she means when she says she doesn’t ever want to lose me. Not only does she love me, but says our relationship is the answer to every single request she made to God when praying for a husband. In her estimation, it would be impossible for an Argentine to match all the necessary criteria. My desire is to continually grow in my love for her. May God help me flee from every semblance of temptation and deal with me severely if I am ever unfaithful to her.
