Kyle Berg

Almost two weeks ago, on Tuesday the 10th, Vanesa stopped by my apartment to pay a part of what she owed on her video camera that I had purchased in the United States. Some told me I would never see the money I had loaned her. Frankly, I did not care about the money and would have gladly considered the camera a gift. I only cared about her wellbeing and emotions. Yet I also had faith in her character and knew she was not like most people. So when she called me to arrange a time to drop off a payment and chat for a while, I was surprised, but only slightly so.

It was the first time we had talked in over a month and the only significant amount of time we spent together since August 22nd when I told her about the decision I had made. We both thought it would be awkward and she had planned to stay only a short time. But we were pleasantly surprised as the time passed. At first there were general questions about school, family, work, and a few jokes mixed in for good measure. When it got closer to the time I thought Vanesa would leave, I asked her how she was doing personally. This simple question broke all the ice and almost returned us to the level of conversational comfort we had previously known.

Vanesa explained how she was still hurting and trying to understand, but was somewhat better. She apologized for the few potshot accusations she had made during our last brief visit. While she wanted to be angry and think the worst of my intentions, she knew better and was reminded of my desire to always give her the best. Within a short period of time, she had come to respect my decision and understand it to the best of her limited ability. In turn, I apologized for putting her on an emotional roller coaster and assured her I completely understood her wave of emotions. Simultaneously complimenting and thanking her, I told her most women would never have paid me and her actions spoke volumes of the integrity I had grown to admire. Vanesa laughed because her friends had said the Spanish equivalent of “screw him” and told her not to pay me either!

Wanting to put Vanesa more at ease, I tried explaining my decision again–this time more clearly. I told her I was neither a coward nor a liar and the decision to end our relationship was the most difficult of my life. For me, there were two insurmountable obstacles and I spoke from the heart, trying to detail them the best I could in Spanish. As the emotion welled up inside, I said, “If you don’t understand right now, that’s fine. I just want you to know that I loved you and still love you. This was never the difficulty. But I know over the course of time, the distance from your family will be too much to bear. It may not seem like it now, but I know you. You need your family and you need to be in Argentina, or at least in Latin America. We have two different futures and I know the distance and the cultural adjustment would be too much for you. Secondly, I know our world views are too different. This was something I recognized a while ago. Please forgive me for not being able to confront it right away.” I elaborated on this point and what it would mean to our future. Even though Vanesa did not have the perspective to grasp all of what I was saying, she said it was reasonable and she respected the decision.

Being in each other’s company was so therapeutic and enjoyable that neither of us wanted the visit to end. We both decided to blow off our classes and spend time together. Maria, being the ever understanding teacher, gave me her blessing and wished me a pleasant time. As Vanesa sat in my lap and we talked, cried, and laughed together, for a short time it was like nothing had changed. We had always been more comfortable together than I could have ever imagined and, even after separating, it remained this way. We had never stopped loving each other and it was extremely touching to know Vanesa was able to see this, despite her pain. It was strange saying goodbye to someone you love with all of your heart and who loves you in the same manner. Only the peace that came from having made the tough, yet correct choice kept the second guessing to a minimum. My prayer is that Vanesa can know this same peace one day.

Vanesa Paredes is one of the best things to ever enter my life. Though I wish things could have ended differently, I have no regrets other than seeing her suffer emotionally. Having never had a girlfriend before, my time with her was more special than anything I had dreamed of as a single man. She will make an outstanding wife and will one day find an Argentine Kyle (I guess that would be Carlos, and he’ll probably be much shorter).

My life is better for having known Vanesa. Our relationship taught me about myself and life. Perhaps I will elaborate on these lessons later, but here they are for now:

• I saw what it was like to be loved by someone without reserve and with their whole heart. It was the most beautiful, pure aspect of life I have ever witnessed. There is no reason to settle for or expect anything less than this type of love from whomever my wife will be. Likewise, I want to project the same love.
• I have a lot to offer, whether it be as a boyfriend, husband, or father. I was not perfect and mishandled parts of my relationship with Vanesa. Yet that was alright with her and she loved me as I was. I saw that I need only be myself and, for the right person, that is enough. There is no need to put on a show or be like someone else.
• When we do not have God’s peace, there is a reason.
• Next time, I may need to reserve a few of my promises or comments for later. I made promises and reassured Vanesa in matters beyond my control.
• Have stated the aforementioned lesson, I don’t want to be cold either! Latin people are full of passion and that is a beautiful thing.
• I learned to make a decision outside of my emotions. This is more important than I can possibly explain. To make a decision you know is right in your head but at odds with your heart is darn near impossible. Frankly, sometimes it seems cruel and I still do not understand all of my decision or why I had to make it, but I know it’s right.
• There are few things more intimate than how we think. Our culture, class, upbringing, and a myriad of other circumstances affect our world view and have more importance than we know.
• Life happens. We’re going to do many things well and we’re going to err. But there will always be lessons to be learned, no matter what.

I thank God for my time in Argentina because it is developing me in much different ways than I had imagined–call it unorthodox if you will. The country has a different feel as a single man and I miss Vanessa dearly. But I know, for both of us, the best is yet to come.