Kyle Berg

Even after sitting around waiting for my camera repair the last month, I can’t help but be overwhelmed by emotion and wanting my time in Buenos Aires not to end. I grow tired of the city, the noise, various frustrations, and being without my culture, but I also have a deep gratitude and some of the best memories of my life. Part of me knows that no matter how beautiful the mountain I see, how powerful the glacier, or how isolated the setting, nothing can compare to the people God has put in my life.

More than anything, I will miss those small moments with people–Spanish classes at Burger King with Maria, having an English practice session with Valeria along the 9 de Julio, and a host of memories with Vanesa–taking that awful train from Once to Merlo, walking from Palermo to her apartment in Almagro, taking care of her when she was extremely sick, and watching movies in my apartment and ordering pizza. I cannot share these moments with photos like I can with a trip, but they are nonetheless special. I have a feeling I will look back upon these moments as some of the happiest of my life.

A month ago I was so eager to leave Buenos Aires and didn’t think much of it. Now I am fighting back the swell of emotion that is almost overpowering me. As I sit on this plane to Ushuaia, I now have my sunglasses on to hide my red, swollen eyes from the Japanese woman next to me. Were I alone, there would be a flood of tears expressing joy, grief, gratitude, uncertainty, and emotions I have yet to understand. For now, I have to control myself and quickly wipe away the tears that fall below the perimeter of my sunglasses. Even if I wanted to tell the woman next to me about ECELA, my homestay, Argentine culture, the Spanish language, or love, it wouldn’t serve much purpose as she speaks neither English nor Spanish.

What are all these emotions? Why am I not feeling the same excitement at the prospect of traveling? I think it’s the finality of it all. I know that when I return to BA, I will have only 2 or 3 days and then will have to return to the United States. No longer is it, “Probably in 6 months to a year” or “We’ll see how it goes.” Now it’s “I need to leave around the middle of May to make it to Montana before June 2nd.” There’s a finality to it and this scares me. I’m not pessimistic, but the uncertainty is overwhelming right now. Coming to Argentina was one of the best decisions of my life. Sure, I will reutn to the U.S. much poorer than if I had saved the money and continued working. But I wouldn’t trade the experience or my new perspective for any new car, house payment, or other commodity. I thought I’d come to Argentina to learn Spanish and find some answers for my life. I did learn Spanish and a lot about life and myself, but return with more questions than answers. This is probably part of the maturation process, but it’s overwhelming right now.

Among the questions are: What will I do for a profession? Why learn photography now? How will I use Spanish so as to continue developing my abilities? How can I serve others and show them God’s love? Should I go back to school? Will I regret leaving behind a woman I loved or will it prove to be a wise choice in spite of the pain? If this was the right choice, can I trust God for a wife that would be an even better match? Will Vanesa recover from the heartache I caused her? Why does it matter that I maintain my conervative convictions in a world plagued by modern liberalism? Why not just be indifferent or go along with popular thinking? Is God pleased with me? Do I have th emost random life and collection of interests ever or will this all come together somehow? How are the Twins going to do in 2008?

I realize that the answer is the same to all these questions: trust God. For me, in my youth and weakness, this is much harder to practice than it is to say. Yet I couldn’t imagine walking through life without the certainty that God watches from on high and only waits for me to listen. I’ve really struggled with my faith at times during the last year and feel as though this is another chance to renew that faith and discover what it means to trust God.