Dad Loves Mom
Yesterday was a nice Mother’s Day and I’m glad I was home to share it rather than having to communicate through Skype. We went to church in the morning and Paul and Leah attended as well and had the chance to see people and give out hugs. Afterwards we went to Mom’s favorite restaurant in the whole wide world, Doolittle’s. It was fun sitting around and talking about childhood experiences and asking Mom about some of her favorite memories. Watching tears well up in her eyes as she laughed was priceless. It’s funny how the older Paul and I get, the more vivid our childhood memories become. I do not mean to take away from my mother and her special day, but Mother’s Day actually inspired me to think about my role as a man.
It is ironic that my most thought provoking moment of Mother’s Day had to do with fatherhood and being a husband. Pastor Joe’s sermon really nailed home the importance of the choices a man makes in his marriage. One of his main points was that the most beneficial thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. He focused on respecting, honoring, and loving your wife and how this affects the woman and the kind of marriage and family life one has. As he talked about many of the things men do to devalue their wives and weaken their families, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Who are these men?” I realize that, not being married, I come at this from a perspective of ignorance. I also understand that marriage is more difficult than I can imagine and that it takes work. Yet I couldn’t help feeling thankful for the perspective of marriage that I had been given. I do not say this in arrogance but rather with some amazement and gratitude.
My dad has not been perfect in his marriage and he would be the first to tell you so. But his attitude and sacrifice for my mom has been nothing short of exemplary. As I listened yesterday, I felt grateful to him for giving me an enormous head-start whenever marriage does come along. So many of the principles Pr. Joe emphatically drove home yesterday already seemed common sense to me. I kept thinking, “Of course.” It was not marriage, but my limited dating experience showed me that these principles of respect and nurture are fundamental and really do work. The intense love that was reciprocated toward me, simply because I chose to care for and give my best to the other person, astounded me. Never did I imagine a woman being so deeply in love, in spite of my faults. Yes, women are complicated and the female mind will always be a mystery to me. But at the same time, in a general sense, I don’t think they are that complicated. They want to be loved, respected, and cared for. Everything else flows out this basic idea. It’s men who make it complicated by playing macho games or getting on a power trip and completely missing what the woman wants.
I frequently think back to a class at ORU called “Marriage and the Family.” It was taught by a lifelong counselor and all-around wise man named Dr. Walker. He was talking about newlyweds and some of the ideas they have going into marriage. He said (and I’m paraphrasing the best I can from 2003), “Now guys, don’t expect this girl who’s been used to being private to all of the sudden get up on a table and do a striptease. But if you nurture and love her, and as she begins to trust you, watch and that little gal will become one of the sexiest creatures you’ve ever seen.” I’m not implying that men act a certain way in order to fulfill their hormones—women will see right through that anyway. What I’m saying is that we men need to understand that marriage (and being human for that matter) is all-encompassing. We cannot improve or neglect one area of ourselves without affecting the others. When we love and give of ourselves, life is richer and more fulfilling. But when we look after ourselves, we end up unhappy and worse off than we ever imagined.
I hope my simple assessment is correct. If it is, I feel fortunate to have been placed further along the path to manhood than most. None of this was my own doing and I am grateful to those who have modeled manhood for me.
