Last night we had the best discussion of the course as we talked about healing and our faith. I won’t go into specifics because of the personal nature of our discussion, but it really brought our Table 5 group together. We talked about the healing God had done in our lives and how negative experiences could be used for good in the long run. We also prayed for each other and our group gathered around Meredee and prayed for healing of the pain in her leg that has bothered her for 10 years. There were a lot of good tears last night and I had a wonderful glimpse of what God may want the Church to be like. The unpretentious, genuine nature of ECF and it’s people initially drew me there and this attitude was displayed again last night in a beautiful way.

We only have 1 week left of Alpha and then the discussions and amazing dinners will be over. (They feed us a full meal every week!) To extend it though, we’re having a group Christmas party at our house for one last get-together. It’s hard to develop close relationships in a large church and I hope we’re able to maintain these friendships and get to know others as well.

When I was a child, the Old Testament was a collection of stories and something for reading time with dad or Sunday School trivia games. Now as a married adult, I am enjoying going through the same stories and viewing them from a much different perspective. For example, when I was a child, I thought the Israelites were moronic for not following God and could not comprehend how they went away from worshiping him and instead followed foreign gods and did what was right in their own eyes. As an adult however, I am trying to read with a view of human nature and our brokenness. I try to put myself in their shoes and wonder what it would be like to follow Moses and this Yahweh that had been with their ancestors some 400+ years earlier. Was worship of God commonly taught among them while living in Goshen or was following him a big new step? If I were used to a life of slavery and oppression and was suddenly freed and told to worship God in the desert, would I know how to handle it? Apparently Moses and many of them did, so it was possible. The difference now is that I don’t assume obedience and faith to be the norm as I did when I was a child growing up in church. The Israelites were sinful for forgetting the miracles and goodness of God demonstrated in Egypt, but I can empathize with them now because of my own sinfulness.

Perhaps more than anything, reading through the Old Testament has taught Meredee and me the seriousness nature with which God approaches obedience. When we read through Exodus to Deuteronomy, it was staggering how many times a phrase like “just as the Lord has commanded you” would appear. The text made a point of using this phrase first in the giving of the instructions and then in the past tense to summarize how they did or did not follow through on the command God had given. Apparently, when writing the Pentateuch, Moses thought it was important to emphasize strict obedience to God and his laws. There was no debate, bargaining with God, or adapting God and his ways to the culture. He was God and that was it. This lesson was totally lost on me as a child but now rings loud and clear.

While the instructions for obedience and punishments for sin were explicit, one cannot help but see the love of God for the Israelites. This takes some time to grasp and does not come with every reading, but it’s there. I can almost feel a minuscule fraction of God’s heartache when he pleads with his people to obey him, all the while knowing they will walk away. He goes to great lengths to warn them of how they will be destroyed and punished for generations to come if they choose disobedience. This has sparked conversations between us about how Israel was a microcosm of humanity and how God still created us even though he knew we would reject him despite being warned. What kind of unimaginable love must God have to do this?

The Old Testament has also caused us to think more about the supernatural. Scriptures like Genesis 6, where it speaks of supernatural beings coming to the earth and having intercourse with women, cause us to wonder and scratch our heads. This is a text that can be glossed over and explained away so that we feel comfortable with our tangible, explainable world, and Christians have done that plenty. Or, it can be read as something supernatural, possible, and heart wrenching for God because of its wickedness. Add to this the plagues of Egypt, the crossing of the Red Sea, miracles in the desert, and Balaam’s talking donkey and you’ve got a lot of unexplainable material. Do these stories embarrass us and put a dent in our faith because they’re not what we experience in the Western world? Or do we read them and ask, “How have we strayed so far from a belief in the supernatural and wanting to be a part of it and God’s work on the earth?” We’re not even close to being there, but Mer and I are praying and asking God to help us believe in the supernatural and expect great things, not just live by what makes sense to us. This is a tough battle for the mind and I don’t have an easy solution.

As I write this, I feel futile trying to explain the slow transition that’s taking place in us by going through the Bible in a way we’ve long wanted, but did not have the discipline to follow through on. It was obvious something was happening when we visited a church in February and the pastor was preaching about devotions and prayer. He said that the Bible was a book with a lot of difficult passages but that it also had passages filled with action. Therefore, if we were struggling to maintain disciplined devotions, we should just read the action parts. I was furious! Here Meredee and I had been laboring through Exodus and had not encountered much action. Yet, we were learning and growing in our thinking. Many of the lessons we were learning or examining had nothing to do with action. Rather they had to do with confusion or being overwhelmed by the idea of a God bigger than we could understand. How dare this pastor say that?! He was doing his people a disservice and helping contribute to the dumbing down of the evangelical church. Mer could tell I was angry because I wasn’t laughing at his stupid jokes interspersed throughout the sermon. I wanted to leave and I wanted him to resign and apologize to his congregation.

I’m not saying the Old Testament is easy to understand or that I have a firm grasp on its context. I still have lots of questions and we will continue our reading throughout the year, which will raise further questions. My only point is this: I fear many Christians have become too much like the pastor that angered me. We stick to the portions of Scripture which make sense to us, make good sermons, or have a lot of action, but we avoid the difficult topics. What about the violence of the Old Testament? They completely wiped out women, children and whole cities. What about divorce? How do we deal with Jesus, in the New Testament, saying that if a man or woman divorces, except for marital unfaithfulness, and then remarries, they are an adulterer? What do we do with that? How have we ignored that when Jesus talks about it?! There are people I respect that ignored or explained that one away when it hit too close to home. What about envy that pervades every fiber of our society so deeply that we’re blind to it? How do we preach against the victim or entitlement mentality that rots people from the inside and destroys their souls? Are we going to step on too many political toes with that one? (I could go on and on just examining my own heart.)

I am no Bible scholar and am not interested in being one. But I can’t help but be filled with questions and a desire to know the God that I have ignored in many ways. One of the aspects I love about Meredee is her genuine nature. As we’ve been reading, no matter how simple or profound the question that comes to her mind, she asks it. At the same time, I’ve allowed myself to say “I don’t know.” It’s refreshing to say that. No longer do I have this pressure to be able to explain everything I read or question I have. (I don’t know where the stupid notion that I could do that came from anyway.) This makes it feel like we’re going through Scripture both as children and adults–children because it’s okay to not understand and adults because we examine with more maturity and introspection.

God is infinite and we humans are finite and insignificant to a level we cannot begin to grasp. Reading through the Old Testament has helped us grow and begin to ask God to put our lives and faith in perspective. Let’s hope this continues.

My experience also reaffirmed another desire I had–to photograph for missionaries and other organizations around the the world as well as in this country. Many of them have stories to tell but little means to do so. I do not know how or when, but I would like to help them through my photography. Whether it be photos to share with their people, materials for fundraising and/or presentations, Web site photos, or anything else, I want to help.

I don’t know what form this will take nor do I have any idea how to pay for it. But it’s a desire God has put inside of me and he’ll take care of it. Meredee has also been thinking more about missions and wanting to visit other countries. I remember reading her eHarmony profile mentioning how she wanted to take a mission trip but was scared that she’d fall in love with it. Now we find ourselves married and with this desire to travel together.

A few weeks ago I talked with Shawn Small of Wonder Voyage to ask him about his thoughts on a photographic mission trip. He loved the idea of combining photography and missions and thought such work could provide new opportunities for meeting and caring for people in third world countries. We discussed putting together a team of photographers that could take pictures for families, print them, and give them as gifts for their homes. For those who have never seen a photograph of themselves, Shawn said, this could build lifelong relationships. I become very excited with his enthusiasm and felt relieved that someone in his position thought my idea was not only good, but plausible and beneficial on a deep level.

Shawn asked Meredee and me to brainstorm and get back to him with some rough ideas of where we’d like to go and what our team would do. He also mentioned a trip to Belize or Honduras could be put together rather economically. Mer and I will talk it over and research the possibilities. I also sent a message to some fellow RMSP photographers that came to mind for such a project. There have to be other Christian photographers that want to do what they love and help others at the same time. I know I can’t wait to photograph, speak Spanish, and see what happens!

I grew up in a non-denominational, pentecostal church background where free will and personal responsibility were emphasized. We held to an Arminian theology where we could either accept or resist God’s grace and gift of salvation. Also, we believed that inherent in a resistible grace was the possibility of losing one’s salvation. I always had a difficult time understanding the opposing Calvinist mindset that held that God elected only some to be saved and that his grace was irresistible. I thought this view was unjust, exclusionary, and a bit arrogant. Now however, I cannot help but think about the matter more deeply as I’ve been listening to the podcasts of both Matt Chandler and Mark Driscoll, two staunch Calvinist preachers. They preach sin, salvation, and the Gospel with a fervor and conviction that belies much of what I thought a Calvinist would say, do, or believe. I am thoroughly impressed with their complete dependence on God for the transformations taking place in their congregations. While I still hold to an Arminian view, I also see how much control we evangelicals maintain over our faith as we try to explain God and shape him into our mindset. We place a lot of emphasis on our control over our destiny. God is bigger and more inexplicable than we can imagine and we often ignore that.

So without going into the two doctrines further, for that’s not my preoccupation, here are some thoughts. These are not necessarily beliefs, but provocative questions that cause me to think about how I view God.

If God does only elect a few, so what? Really, so what? What are we going to do about it? Just because we think it’s unfair, does that mean he stops being God? Does that enable us to change the rules of eternal judgment? Of course not. The fact that he sent his Son to save some is more than he ever had to do. He rightfully could have damned us all. Who are we, sinful people, to point fingers at him and tell him how unfair he is when he can do whatever he wants and yet still chose to give us salvation? It’s a miracle anyone is saved given our depravity.

What if God sent tornadoes, floods, hurricanes, and famine on the earth? Does that make him less God? Does that allow us to not believe in him because we think he’s mean?

What if God targeted people for disease? Would that make him less powerful or less worthy of worship?

I believe we are inundated in a culture that has to “feel good” about God and we don’t even realize it. It has affected how we proclaim Jesus and salvation. We force ourselves to explain and defend an infinite, omnipotent being in an effort to appeal to the culture. We accept the premise that we must defend the “fairness” of God when God is who he is, like it or not, period. No discussion. God is God and can do whatever he wants. As Job 13:15 says, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.” Or as one of my professors put it, “The point of Job is not that Job got his stuff back, but rather that God is God and he can squash you like a bug.” We cannot let people fall prey to the thinking that says “If I don’t like it, think it’s fair, or believe it, it doesn’t exist.” Our beliefs or lack thereof do not change the fact that God created the Universe, upholds everything, and has control of our lives. The only way around this is to deny God and turn to another religion or atheism. There is no “I accept God, but…”

Maybe I should get more wrapped up and into these theological discussions, but I don’t. To me they are peripheral matters upon which we can agree to disagree and still be okay. My main concern is that I believe God is God no matter what he does and no matter what I think of him. We need to return to preaching that the Bible is about God and is not an “answer manual” to life. Rather, God is the star of the show and the Bible teaches us how to conform to him, and thus to reality.

“Save yourself for marriage,” we were told. “But why?” would seem to be the natural question of an adolescent. Yet, many of us did not ask that. We knew that “good Christians” waited for marriage, but for some reason, we were seldom told why in a positive context. We were warned of the dangers of spending too much time alone, kissing for too long, staying out past a certain time, the reality of pregnancy, the growing exposure to venereal diseases, etc. And then there were all the awkward expressions, jokes, comments, and silences when the topic of sex did arise. For many of us, there was so much denigration, mystery, and avoidance of sex that we were left to think it dirty, only done out of duty to produce offspring, or necessary to satisfy those evil hormones.

I’m just going to come right out and say it. In July I will be 27 years old and that is a long time to be abstinent—too long if you ask me or any healthy young person. Celibate is an adjective I would just as soon banish from my descriptors as soon as possible. But until marriage comes along, it is a reality of the life I have chosen. While it’s frustrating to no end, I am not trying to complain or make some sort of show here. But a few observations and questions have been percolating in my mind for a long time and I wonder how many people my age ask the same things. The fight of abstinence is difficult enough the way it is. But there exist at least 2 outside phenomena that make our goal all the much more challenging.

The first difficulty is the pervasiveness of sexual content throughout our media. This point almost goes without saying and is a soapbox for many who hearken back to their childhood environment. Lascivious images and references saturate our lives. There can be no denying this. So, let’s start with this first influence and concede that, for the foreseeable future, the situation is unlikely to improve. Sure, the depravity is disturbing and reprehensible. But why did no one go beyond decrying this and explain how fundamental sex is to our humanity? Why is it so hard for us to admit that it can be one of the most satisfying and moving activities in which humans participate? Perhaps there’s a reason that so many people are obsessed with it, albeit often in an unhealthy way? What really surprised me when I finally started dating at 25 years of age was how natural our urges are. I had always thought they were lustful and carnal. But they were not this way at all. What I found was that the more time you are with someone and as your love for each other grows, there is a desire to express and share it in a physical way. The longing for this was as natural as eating or breathing. When one is not pursuing one night stands or jumping from bed to bed, it is not necessarily a matter of putting down our nature. It is rather a willingness to honestly examine the situation and accept that mutual love has a natural outlet and that we must make a conscious choice to retard that expression, not deny or demean it.

Secondly, and dovetailing with the recognition of our nature, as Christians we need to promote responsible pursuit of relationships and encourage marriage at a younger age. If one were to examine most of history, they would find people commonly married in the mid to late teenage years. Heck, the mother of Jesus is believed to have been all of 13 or 14 when she conceived. Our bodies go through puberty and are ready to take on reproductive functions afterward. And so while we are invaded from the outside by more and more enticement, we keep delaying longer and longer that for which our bodies are created. Somewhere along the line we decided that children were less capable than before, we lengthened the time required for maturation, and then decided they needed to finish college and establish a career before getting married. This has created a doubly cruel and pernicious reality where the sexual pressures are greater than ever and yet the age at which we can embrace sex in good conscience and responsibility is pushed further into the future. Perhaps it’s time we stop discouraging our kids to date but instead teach them what to look for, encourage them to search for relationships, and give them freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. Isn’t that a better demonstration of love than always telling them to keep their pants on, or pressuring them to “settle down” before marriage, all the while hoping that one day they’ll just “get it” or that it will magically go right? Would not our call to be “in the world but not of it” apply to our thinking regarding family life and putting that first? Are we really trying to produce the best future generation possible and teach children responsibility? Or are we so scared of the sin around us that we play a prevent defense by just trying to keep them from screwing up? Have we gotten spooked by all the pregnancies we see in church and withdrawn further? I am not suggesting that we use marriage as a method of safe sex. What I am saying is that our outlook on the raising of children and marriage is often influenced by cultural norms, Dr. Phil, and our neighbors more than by our faith.

If the sexual relationship is given to us as a gift from God and is the closest earthly representation of the intimacy within the Trinity, should not Christians treasure it for allowing us to see and understand a little more of the intense, passionate love God has for us? If children are a gift and sex within marriage sustains and improves intimacy between a husband and wife, allowing them to express their love in ways words cannot, thus making stronger families, shouldn’t we be among sex’s biggest proponents? It seems to me that Christians have reason to be some of the most sexual people on the planet.

I have found that most quality women, religious and irreligious alike, have a great deal of respect for men who care enough to wait and commit themselves to their partner in marriage. What if, instead of trying to scare Christian young men into keeping their fly zipped, we taught them how to pursue a woman at a younger age and to do it respectfully? What if we taught them that a woman who feels protected, cared for, and loved within a marriage could be the most sexually active, passionate, and fulfilling partner he could ever imagine, and that that’s a good thing?

Sex has been around since the beginning and will be with us the remainder of our lives. It’s simply a matter of whether we choose to recognize it for what it is, at its best and not just at its worst. This is hypothetical for me and maybe I’m an idealist. But these are the questions and hopes I have for myself, my future family, and Christians collectively.

The word religion has gotten a bad rap over the years among the church circles I’ve run in–evangelical ones. Perhaps there was a desire to separate biblical Christianity from stuffy tradition that turned its nose up at the non-church world and maintained an aura of superiority. Or maybe people were tired of going to services more out of obligation and habit than out of reverence to God. Whatever the reason, the term took a beating. While at ORU and various churches, I’ve heard people talk about how we don’t want religion any more but rather we are looking for a relationship with God. Maybe churches are trying to remind people that they can go to God directly, that he answers prayer, and that he is a good and loving God. Those are good things after all. But must we knock down one to raise up the other?

How often do we really dissect and delve into Christianity? When was the last time I heard a congregation jointly recite a creed at an evangelical church? Why do I, having grown up in Church, neglect to study its history? If it’s important as Americans to study American history, isn’t it equally important to do the same for our faith? Why do our Sunday School classes focus on everything but doctrine? Why do we get bored or not show up if they do? How can so much time be devoted to “spiritual warfare” and so little to study? Are not strongholds, after all, in the mind? Why do we place such emphasis on emotion? When choosing a church, why do we place so much weight upon its style of music? Why is communion only once a month? Why are we so afraid of liturgy? Why do many non-denominational churches have so much autonomy and lack a chain of leadership?

I believe we do ourselves a great disservice by minimizing the religious aspect of Christianity. It is a religion. We have doctrines, church fathers, martyrs, and a moral code. We follow in the footsteps of almost 2 millennia of believers yet we want to focus so much on the here and now. Religion implies study, dedication, loyalty, and zeal. I don’t see how true examination of and acceptance of Christianity can yield anything but relationship. After all, the Old Testaments points to and the New Testament dedicates itself to the redemptive work of Jesus. We do have a relationship with God, but that relationship exists alongside religion just fine and is even strengthened by it. This is not an either-or situation but rather a both-and.

We have fellow believers in other parts of the world giving up their lives for their faith and yet we worry about making the church “seeker friendly” and talking about how Jesus is my friend. Somewhere along the line we got soft. We have tried too much to adapt Jesus to the culture. Somehow our videos, groups, XBox 360s, and marketing became more important and Augustine, Aquinas, and religion took a back seat. We forgot that Wesley, Whitefield, and others preached repentance and were often despised by society. I doubt they had George Barna conducting polls before they entered a town. We forget Jesus’s words warning us that the world will hate us. A relationship Jesus is flexible and moldable around our culture. But a religious Jesus is rigid, doctrinal, and stubborn. We can leave relationships easily and say the other person let us down. But most people probably think twice about leaving a religion and the eternal consequences that could imply.

This is all conjecture and a random collection of thoughts and questions. Tonight I sent a Facebook message to Dr. Vance, an Old Testament professor at ORU. I haven’t talked to him in over 4 years, but I told him I’m wrestling with who we ought to be as the Church and he said, “Let’s talk.” So we will. Perhaps this will be a lifelong pursuit of truth. But I’m starting with questions and hope to find the truth and align myself with it.

That Richard Roberts is gone from Oral Roberts University is without a doubt the best thing that could have happened to the school. I think the faculty vote of no confidence in him and the $70 million gift pledged immediately upon his departure are testament to this. In many ways, I feel vindicated for all the doubts and frustrations I had as an ORU student. And while I can’t excuse away the cynicism with which I fought, at least I know I wasn’t making it up. Not only is good coming from the situation, the Church is being given an opportunity to learn from this situation.

The events of the last few months at ORU are the result of an organization that would not recognize its failing leadership. The Roberts had surrounded themselves by “yes” men and did away with those who dared challenge them. They reached that special, undefined level of untouchability where everything they did or said was largely assumed to be from God, not because of its merit or concordance with the Scriptures, but because of their name.

I have no idea when it started or how it happened, but certain sectors of the faith have a social club where ministers are granted status for a variety of reasons. Some get in because they draw large crowds and raise a lot of money. Others win favor based on their book sales, television programs, and popularity. Still others are admitted because they are friends of someone already in the club. And once in the club, it seems that others will support that member, even when they are obviously in the wrong or hiding something. I see this pattern throughout leadership in the American church, and it especially concerns me within the Charismatic denominations. We cannot keep promoting people based on celebrity status.

Certain people deserve our respect and admiration for what they have done and for where God has placed them. But at the same time, they are still human and thus prone to error and in need of correction. We have doctrine and solid foundational principles, but no preacher has all the answers. Need we be reminded that the Protestant church does not have a pope? My prayer is that we ask for God’s humility and remember that we are all trying to figure out the Christian faith and do the best we can as we stumble through this adventure we call life.

We walked into the dark, 40 seat classroom about 20 minutes late as they were watching a DVD. I quickly realized that, over the years, I had become used to seeing religious documentaries on Israel and the Middle East, detailing events of 2,000 to 6,000 years ago. As an American, it was different to watch these South Americans viewing a dubbed film about religious church fathers from my country. The journeys of Joseph Smith and others, as well as their visions and prophecies, were presented in somewhat the same way you would see the lives and travels of Abraham, Moses, and Jesus presented. Given the faith’s beliefs and roots, it makes sense. I just was not used to hearing places in New York and Ohio described as if they were Canaan or Capernaum.

A man in his fifties stopped the film about 15 minutes after we arrived and proceeded with the lecture. Being very well spoken and knowledgeable, I found the instructor interesting and the time passed quickly. A few students chimed in with comments and questions as they discussed the LDS Church’s view of the body as a temple. The belief was admirable and the principles fell inline exactly with the teaching of any sound Christian church. What differed, as it does among Christian denominations, were the particulars. I learned Mormons do not drink coffee, black tea, wine, or “strong drinks” and do not smoke. The rest of the discussion dealt with some core beliefs regarding behavior as well as church structure.

As the class wound down, we read a lovely writing by Orson F. Whitney, detailing a dream he had of Jesus. They also played a recording from the 1800s where a man name Wilford Woodruff recounts and verifies an encounter he had with Joseph Smith. It is said this is one of the earliest known voice recording and was produced by an invention that was not the microphone. (They didn’t get into specifics too much, or if they did, I lost it in translation). After turning off the recording, the instructor was visibly moved. He asked the students how they felt after listening to Woodruff and told them this was a privilege many other believers had not experienced.

I’ve been surrounded by the godless and agnostics my whole life, but for the first time, I was in a room where everyone practiced a religion much different than mine. I don’t know why I had never been to a mosque, a synagogue, or temple, but I hadn’t. This evening’s experience produced in me a basic, yet profound realization: It is amazing how quickly we acclimate to our own beliefs and assume them to be normal while instantly becoming skeptical of others. For those with firm beliefs, the skepticism isn’t unfounded, just interesting. Tonight forced me to think more about how I interact with someone who is not a Christian. What skepticism are they feeling? What practices and traditions make them feel uncomfortable or isolated because they cannot understand? When they question Christianity, what is it really like to have these doubts and not just be cynical?

I must say, while I’m still young and in good health, I enjoy the process of maturing. It fascinates me to realize how little I know and how big and complex this world is.

It is my contention that the over-sensationalizing of music combined with vague sermons is producing extremely feeble Christians. Ever notice that it’s often the same people feeling compelled to run to the front at every altar call? Where have the teachings about wisdom, peace, lust, envy, and malice gone? And I’m talking about whole sermons or series devoted to just one of these topics–really nailing the point home without jumping to other topics. We seem to talk about them quickly and run back to our favorite generalities–my personal favorites being how to get more passion or fire for God, walking the walk, and the grace of God. We appear obsessed with knowing God more but lack the maturity and discipline to make it happen.

Yesterday, in Spanish, I was discussing this theme with my teacher (great language practice by the way). She is one of the sweetest people I’ve met and comes from a Catholic family, but is not a Christian. Yet she was in complete agreement with me. Her theory is that we have an idealized vision of life. There is a perception that life ought to be easy and that when things go wrong or something is difficult, we have been cheated. This has spilled over into our churches and given us a distaste for confrontation. We would rather have services that appeal to the emotions and subtly call us to repentance from time to time. Neither is there much desire for straight talk in general. Christians with real emotional or spiritual problems go years and years without changing because others have told them it’s “a process.” There is a dearth of sermons that hit us between the eyes, make us say “Holy crap!” at the end of the service, and stick with us afterwards. Yet I have found these to be some the most life-changing and instructional times of my life.

I often wonder if John Wesley or Jonathan Edwards could draw an audience today. Part of me says, “No, they would be too extreme. People would be turned off by their straightforward manner.” But another part of me says, “Yes! People yearn for the truth and would drive hundreds of miles to hear them.” This one’s still up in the air for me.

I deeply care for the Charismatic branch of the Church. Here, I can find a balance of passion for God, reverence for the Holy Spirit, and people to whom I can relate. In its purest form, it most closely represents the Church of the book of Acts. I pray we (myself especially included) return to the reverence and outlook they had.

First of all, many of our churches try to “create” the presence of God. Our God is loving and wants to be with us. So, when a group of people congregate to praise and speak about what He’s done, his presence comes. I readily welcome this and dearly miss it at times when visiting some other churches. What I detest is what I see as a manipulation of the people within the congregation by either a pastor and/or music leader that has center stage and a microphone all to themselves.

There is this pervading sense that if we sing the right song at precisely the right moment, the power of the Holy Spirit will descend. What infuriated me was when I saw the pastor put the microphone in his armpit and flash 10 fingers and then 8 fingers, 18 in total, to the sound booth. This meant he wanted them to play track 18 of some cd. About 10 seconds later, this violin, Benny Hinn-style music comes on, totally out of place and unnatural. Other times, he will walk over to the music leader and say something during a song. The leader subsequently turns to the other musicians and instructs them. It’s obvious the pastor has quarterbacked a musical audible in order to send the service in a certain direction. The reason they do this is because people react to it! During a slow, emotional song, more people will cry than normal. During a fast song, more people will jump up and down or work themselves into a frenzy.

At ORU, several examples of music being used to solicit a reaction from the student body come to mind. In chapel, without fail, whenever the preacher got toward the end of the sermon, the pianist would walk up to the keyboard and began to play something smooth and “heavenly.” Shortly thereafter, the speaker would begin their invitation, often begging students to react in a given manner. At other times, there was an attitude that we couldn’t pray, have a meeting, or do a project without having sung first. In one class that met once a week for 2 hours, we sang for 30 minutes of that time. Supposedly this was to invite the presence of God. (One of my friends from Sweden protested because it was an academic setting and believed the time should be used for academic study. I couldn’t have agreed more). I also remember going on Saturday morning service projects in a poor area of Tulsa. On our one day to sleep in, many people willingly got up at 8 a.m. to arrive in North Tulsa by 8:45 or so. Once there, we would sing with cd music for 1-2 hours! Again, this was supposedly necessary to better love and care for the people of the neighborhood.

There is power in music and I love singing and worshiping God just as much as any other Christian. What frustrates me more than anything is the arrogance of the attitude of trying to direct a service week in and week out via music. It angers me that we make a mockery of God by thinking we can control his visitation with music. Music is vital, but we can still have a meeting, pray, or meet with God without it. Look back at the history of the church. We’ve had recorded Christian music via the CD, cassette tape, or record for how long? 30-40 years? The church has always had music or at least the option of singing acapella. But I find it impossible to imagine Peter, Paul, Martin Luther, or Jonathan Edwards needing music to call people to repentance or a stronger commitment. Many times, we’re controlling the emotions of people while God may or may not actually be present.

“11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.” (3:11, 14)

On a small, self-centered analysis, I cannot fathom what God is doing in me right now. Yet I know beyond any doubt that I´m changing for the better and that this time will affect the rest of my life and thus eternity. There is something special happening that I cannot describe.

It´s interesting how life tests you. Recently, I wrote how much of our lives is the result of our choices. Even when things go wrong, we still have the ability to choose what happens to us. Now I have the chance to put my money (literally & figuratively) where my mouth is. Even mintutes after this happened on Friday, I kept singing one of my favorite Hillsongs that comes from Psalms: “Made Me Glad.” It says: “I will bless the Lord forever. I will trust him at all times. For he has delivered me from all things. He has set my feet upon a rock. For you have me me glad. And I´ll say of the Lord: You are my shield, my stregth, my portion, my deliverer, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need.”

I did a simple search in the book of Psalms. Throughout the entire book, David and others repeatedly write “I will…” 214 times. This tells me we have to tell ourselves to do much of what life requires–To bless the Lord, to trust him, to sing, to pray, to love, to be patient, to do whatever. The power to choose is infinitely powerful and far exceeds any temporary consolation we receive by feeling sorry for ourselves.

I will…throughout my stay in Argentina and the rest of my life.

Older, wiser, and more experienced people may laugh at this realization. They would be right to do so, because it seems so simple. There are exceptions, but as a general rule, our lives are the sum total of the choices we make. It doesn’t matter who we blame or the excuses we offer, there is more control in our possession than we realize or care to admit.

As I look at the situation with Ted Haggard, the lives of friends here in Argentina, and the lives of friends that are suffering, I cannot escape the ecclesiastical message that our choices have consequences. Not all, but many of the messes in life are the result of poor choices. Even when life throws us curve balls, our reactions will determine much of the outcome. The most trying time for me emotionally was the result of a poor decision and a failure to realize it for some time. Conversely, the most rewarding times of life have been the result of thought-out, God-inspired choices.

At times, it seems difficult or unfair to obey God and the laws he gave us. But in comparison to the suffering I see from failure to adhere to his commands, obedience is simple. Sometimes we’re like the child who spends 2 hours making excuses for an unfinished chore that would have taken 5 minutes.

He´s excited that I´m spending a year here in Argentina and says I will learn a lot about myself and have a new view of the world. I do not doubt this assertion, but we have two different outcomes in mind. He sees me “cutting the umbilical cord” and possibly becoming more “worldly” or “open-minded” (whatever that means). He hasn´t said this per se, but it´s my best guess of what he has in mind. I, on the other hand, see this trip as not only a time to learn about myself and the world, but also a chance to hear from God and meet new people. These things have already happened and I hope they continue.

Rogelio posed a rather interesting question the other day, but we didn´t discuss it. He asked, “Did God create us or did we create God?” It´s not worth debating this question in this blog right now. I am surprised by less and less, so the question didn´t come out of left field for me. What continually astounds me, however, is the smug attitude required to even ask a question like this! What must happen to someone that they can look at the universe and its complexities and still think we created God? That we only need the idea of Him in order to make ourselves feel good or have something we can believe in? To me, the “creation of God” is the height of arrogance. May God (the real One) help me if I ever come close to this.

God has done and is doing something in my heart as I leave for Argentina. I have felt like a zombie at times this week because all I can do is think about this trip and wonder what will happen. I feel like a blank slate. They were outstanding experiences, but my college education and internship in DC don’t seem to matter right now. This is entry to a new phase of life and I cannot wait to see what happens.

I spent this last weekend visiting Paul and my friend Wes in the Twin Cities. We had a lot of fun and enjoyed spending time together. We ate in the Hispanic part of Minneapolis during Mexican Independence Day, went to Oktoberfest, played poker, and had an all-around good time. Last night we drove down to Burnsville to hear John Bevere speak at Destiny Christian Center. When it comes to many preachers, I can take them or leave them. But when John Bevere is in your area, you find a way to go hear him. He spoke on part of his new series “Driven by Eternity.” Wow! The presence of God in that building was so palpable that people were sobbing as we prayed and asked God to help us live in such a way that we focus on eternity and not the fleeting pleasures of the few years on earth. You couldn’t help but leave feeling convicted, challenged, and resolute. I want to live within the framework of God’s destiny for my life so that I do not miss out on anything he has for me. It takes sacrifice, but anything less would be short-changing myself of God’s very best.

Last week I was listening to the book of Philippians and following along in my Spanish Bible. Before finishing the first 10 verses, the tears began to flow. I had been trying so hard to figure out my life that when I finally gave up and trusted God, I found this happening more frequently. I was struck by Paul’s words about his life not meaning anything compared to serving and knowing God.

The two countries I considered for Spanish immersion were Spain and Argentina. I cannot fully explain why I chose Argentina except to say that I know beyond any doubt God is sending me to that country. While learning Spanish will fulfill a longtime goal of mine, there will be more to this trip. The confidence I have in this decision and sacrifices required to make it happen can only come from the peace of the Holy Spirit. I am doing my best to obey God and put myself in a position to hear from Him. I expect the months I spend in Argentina to be some of the most challenging and rewarding of my life. Whether I find direction for my future, meet my wife, make lifelong friends, or all of the above, God will take care of me in Argentina.