After viewing more portfolios than I can remember, I finally decided on Brian Hoff. Though his work was solid, his work flow and expertise impressed me more than anything. Through reading his articles at The Design Cubicle, I realized how little I knew about design and how many elements went into quality layout and graphics.

While I can’t justify hiring Brian to style my personal blog, I am inspired to learn and come up with something nice for this site. It has been neglected for too long and I want to come back strong with quality styling and interesting writing. My first experiment is with Typekit fonts to add readability and order to the site as Brian taught me here. We’ll see where it goes from there.

I’ve tried to understand this myself during moments of writing apathy. They are not excuses, but I do have a few reasons. First of all, I went to photography school, focused on that, and ignored my writing. After finishing 5 intense months of classes, my mind was fried and I had no motivation to write. Simultaneous to this, Meredee and I had spent hundreds of hours on the phone, at the expense of getting sleep, and we were exhausted! Next, I was living in Missoula and frustrated by the cultural and political positions held by both Missoulians and many of my fellow students and instructors. I adamantly disagreed with them! But my goal was to learn photography, not debate people. (This may be a nice way of saying I didn’t have the guts or desire to debate others. I really don’t know.) Thus, whether correct or not, I internalized most of my frustrations so as to be amiable toward anyone and everyone.  But without a doubt, the most devastating element to my writing was the climate of the country. What I had seen in Missoula started the process and then my disbelief went national. I could not comprehend what was happening to the United States I loved and dearly missed while I had been away in Argentina. Coming back home and watching how we panicked, threw away our freedoms, and elected a complete fool was more than I could handle. Whereas before, I enjoyed commenting on political issues, I found myself paying as little attention to the news as possible and having nothing to say or write. I hid from my frustration and hurt rather than dealing with it. Strange as it may sound to some, this took away my desire to blog about anything, no matter the topic.

The most recent and important person to call me out on this writing hiatus was my wife. She told me what I had known for a while. I needed to write–for both of our sakes. Not only did I need to put my thoughts into words, I needed to share her with those I care about but are too far away to get to know her.

I’ve gotten over what I allowed to get in my way and it’s with new resolve that I begin to write again. I want writing to become a habit and part of my thought processes. Writing makes me more analytical (yes, that’s possible), interesting, and possibly, even funny. I also want to tell everyone how wonderful my wife Meredee is and how fortunate I am to have met and married such a special woman. To help with this new mindset, I am making the pledge to write at least one blog post per day for the next 30 days. After that, keeping the Berg Blog rolling should be natural once again.

I have no idea what will become of this, but just reading the profiles of my matches has been refreshing. The quality of many of the women who sign up for the site is at another level (outside of the girl from PA who put herself as the most influential person in her life). Most of the initial matches have fallen by the wayside, but it has been encouraging to send and receive the initial questions and answers. I am realizing that, while in Argentina, it was impossible for me to move on from my breakup because too much of my relation to the country was tied to my dating relationship. It took physical separation to be able to accept and finalize a choice I had made months earlier. While there, too much of me still wanted to ignore that choice and hope it went away. This may sound strange, but having only dated someone from another country, part of me wondered if I’d ever be able to understand and date an American girl. Even the simple act of finishing the healing by beginning again here in the U.S. is huge. It has shown me that there are women here too who can understand me and are looking for the same things. You just have to look hard for them.

Compliments on hair, clothing, physique, and merchandise are nice, but fade away. My appearance will go in and out of style, I may be thin or fat, and I may or may not have the latest gadget. But hopefully, wisdom grows and matures and serves me the rest of my life. Wisdom will be the lighthouse guiding me through the storms of life, keeping me from destroying myself, and leading to fulfillment beyond what I can imagine. At 26 years of age and knowing my faults and ignorance, wisdom is a treasure and something I feel I often lack. To hear a stranger label me as wise, after only knowing me a few hours and having only short bits of conversation, meant the world to me. It couldn’t have come at a better time than now when i am unsure of just about everything in my life.

The tricky thing about wisdom is that its results are slow in coming. A wise choice may produce results months or years down the road and only then will we know it was wise. Other times we may never see wisdom in action as life sails smoothly because we made a tough, wise choice on the front end, thus circumnavigating what may have been a disaster. In the meantime there are doubts, opportunities to turn back, and the choice to stick with what we know is correct. So many my age are sucked in by instant gratification (as am I at times) and live in a cycle of ups and downs. Wisdom may not be sexy, but I can think of nothing more desirable or of greater value.

Thanks for the message, but i want to bring this to your notice that i cannot pick up the item or pay by cash simply because i am old and disable,and i also want you to know that i am sending this to my son schooling abroad,and i am adding $200 for the shipping cost, i will be glad if you can get back to me with your paypal email account because i have a confirmed paypal account and i will like to make the payment through paypal, so kindly get back to me with your paypal account for fast payment.Thanks
God Bless

hello seller
did you stll want to sell the item if so get me the
total amount of your item
and the shipping cost to international .and am going to pay you
via paypal.pls get back to me with your paypal id for the instant
payment thanks.

Hi, i am Ephraim Atwal, i am very interested in purchasing this item for a friend of mine working with the Argentinian embassy in Nigeria, and if it’s in good condition,i am willing to pay you the sum of $550 (which will include the shipping cost) by Paypal or through my Bank.If interested, please reply as soon as possible because this item is urgently needed.Thanks

Hello There,
This is Mikel Morgan,I am interested in the immidiate purchase of your item for my husband Abroad,i will pay you 900US$ for the cost of the item and the shipment abroad through EMS SPEEDPOST and i will be paying you through paypal so pls kindly reply me with your name and paypal e-mail for prompt payment…i am online everytime so pls reply reply me asap for prompt payment,pls act fast and get back to me asap…thanks
Mikel Morgan.

My response: I don’t sell to scam artists. No exceptions.

His response: Hello There,
How would you feel like that,and is he everybody shipping to Nigeria is a scammer,if you feel like transacting with me send me your paypal email for payment..okay

Do you still have this item? And can it be great for a new year present for for my son?

My response: Yes, I still have it. I think it would be an excellent present for your son. Let me know if you have any questions or want to arrange a time to see the phone.

His response: Sure if that would server as a great present for my son,And i shall be paying via paypal or bank wire transfer… Please note that i would want the item shipped to my son in west africa.. his my only son and his birthday is in few days from now and i will want the shipment via the EXPRESS MAIL SERVICE (EMS). for for that let me know how much you will be selling in all for me. Thank you and i hope to hear from you soonest.. Happy new year.

For employment, I could stay here a while and look for more English students, but it’s not in my heart to do so. I could also pay US$1000 and go through the 3 month process of obtaining employment papers for certain jobs. But when looking at the opportunity cost and my emotional state, the desire to go home is greater. I had planned to develop a website with tips for tourists coming to BA, but even this fell by the wayside as my heart was not in it and I realized about how long I’d have to live here to make it work.

I don’t say all this in a whining fashion by any means. However, I can unequivocally say, “I miss home and need to return sooner than later.” I continue to love learning Spanish, but staying in BA another year or two just to practice the language is too much for me at this point and I know it will be time to move on. Perhaps God will bring something different, but for now, I’m trying to look at how to plan for going back to the United States. I enjoy many aspects of life here, but it’s not my home. I need social interaction with my own people and my family.

In the meantime, my next task is the DELE exam on November 9th and 10th. I’m a bit nervous about the oral examination. Though it will be brief, I have to work on my nerves. I also continue to teach English once a week as a volunteer and really enjoy it. I’ve also found some additional information for an orphanage and a neighborhood project. We’ll see how they respond. Sometimes it’s hard to be approved for work with children. I completely understand their concerns and desire to protect the kids from sickos, but if they will allow me, I’d love to work with some more kids. Additionally, Matias and I will begin English classes this week.

After taking the DELE, I would like to visit Iguazu Falls. Most people stay there 2 days, but I think I’ll go for 5-7 days and despite the heat, spend all day outside taking pictures and taking in the scenery. Upon returning, I plan to study intensively for the GMAT exam in November or December as this is a necessary step for a future possibility.

I am seriously considering attending graduate school to get my MBA as I believe the training would be an extremely worthwhile investment. My current education does not set me up for many opportunities, and while I know God has given me talents, many of them are raw and need development and credentials. I am a leader and would like to learn how to make myself more valuable whether I involve myself in church, government, business, or another sector. At times, it’s strange to think about an MBA because I don’t have a desire to climb the career ladder or obtain the highest salary. But I am young and training can open up doors in the future. I also know one day I will have a wife and kids who will depend on me, and the better equipped I am, the better our family can adapt to difficulty or opportunities God brings.

At first I considered taking graduate classes online. But the more I examine the programs, the more I realize the enormous benefit of the personal interaction graduate school offers. I do better when in an environment where I can make friends and grow. This can happen online. But for me, the personal interaction is the better choice. Also, the respect that comes with attending a well established school and the recruiting opportunities they provide far exceed those of any online program.

This is still a relatively new thought and I’m praying for God’s direction. With the application fees of $75-250, I would have to be selective in my applications. Here are a few schools I’m considering:

U of Minnesota – They have a strong program. But more than anything, I can’t tell you how nice it is to think of being close to home and spending weekends and holidays with family. After living in Tulsa, Washington D.C., and Argentina, it might be nice not to move again for a while.

U of Indiana – One of the best business schools in the country, especially for marketing, finance, management, and entrepeneurship

U of North Carolina – Impressed with their emphasis on leadership development

U of Virginia – Very well respected program and I like how they describe the learning process and their methods of teaching. My former boss from Heritage is in the program and raves about it. I need ask him for more details.

Thunderbird – #1 in the world for international business. Located in Phoenix. If I were to study with an emphasis in international business, they’re the best. I like what I’ve heard and the fact that it’s a business only school.

Stanford – I just had to put this on here to feel important. Who wouldn’t want to go to Stanford?

For now, I’m going to enjoy being in South America and plan to travel for at least a few months before going home. I may also try and work in a stay or two as a missionary along the way. There’s also one other possibility I’m considering in the U.S. We’ll see what happens.

• Get to the truth about the allegations against Richard and Lindsay Roberts
• Ask for accountability and transparency for all university leadership.
• Establish a forum for Alumni, Students, Faculty, and Employees of ORU and OREA and the partners of Oral Roberts Ministries to discuss their concerns.
• Provide solutions for the restoration of faith and confidence in Oral Roberts University as an academic institution.

It was the first time we had talked in over a month and the only significant amount of time we spent together since August 22nd when I told her about the decision I had made. We both thought it would be awkward and she had planned to stay only a short time. But we were pleasantly surprised as the time passed. At first there were general questions about school, family, work, and a few jokes mixed in for good measure. When it got closer to the time I thought Vanesa would leave, I asked her how she was doing personally. This simple question broke all the ice and almost returned us to the level of conversational comfort we had previously known.

Vanesa explained how she was still hurting and trying to understand, but was somewhat better. She apologized for the few potshot accusations she had made during our last brief visit. While she wanted to be angry and think the worst of my intentions, she knew better and was reminded of my desire to always give her the best. Within a short period of time, she had come to respect my decision and understand it to the best of her limited ability. In turn, I apologized for putting her on an emotional roller coaster and assured her I completely understood her wave of emotions. Simultaneously complimenting and thanking her, I told her most women would never have paid me and her actions spoke volumes of the integrity I had grown to admire. Vanesa laughed because her friends had said the Spanish equivalent of “screw him” and told her not to pay me either!

Wanting to put Vanesa more at ease, I tried explaining my decision again–this time more clearly. I told her I was neither a coward nor a liar and the decision to end our relationship was the most difficult of my life. For me, there were two insurmountable obstacles and I spoke from the heart, trying to detail them the best I could in Spanish. As the emotion welled up inside, I said, “If you don’t understand right now, that’s fine. I just want you to know that I loved you and still love you. This was never the difficulty. But I know over the course of time, the distance from your family will be too much to bear. It may not seem like it now, but I know you. You need your family and you need to be in Argentina, or at least in Latin America. We have two different futures and I know the distance and the cultural adjustment would be too much for you. Secondly, I know our world views are too different. This was something I recognized a while ago. Please forgive me for not being able to confront it right away.” I elaborated on this point and what it would mean to our future. Even though Vanesa did not have the perspective to grasp all of what I was saying, she said it was reasonable and she respected the decision.

Being in each other’s company was so therapeutic and enjoyable that neither of us wanted the visit to end. We both decided to blow off our classes and spend time together. Maria, being the ever understanding teacher, gave me her blessing and wished me a pleasant time. As Vanesa sat in my lap and we talked, cried, and laughed together, for a short time it was like nothing had changed. We had always been more comfortable together than I could have ever imagined and, even after separating, it remained this way. We had never stopped loving each other and it was extremely touching to know Vanesa was able to see this, despite her pain. It was strange saying goodbye to someone you love with all of your heart and who loves you in the same manner. Only the peace that came from having made the tough, yet correct choice kept the second guessing to a minimum. My prayer is that Vanesa can know this same peace one day.

Vanesa Paredes is one of the best things to ever enter my life. Though I wish things could have ended differently, I have no regrets other than seeing her suffer emotionally. Having never had a girlfriend before, my time with her was more special than anything I had dreamed of as a single man. She will make an outstanding wife and will one day find an Argentine Kyle (I guess that would be Carlos, and he’ll probably be much shorter).

My life is better for having known Vanesa. Our relationship taught me about myself and life. Perhaps I will elaborate on these lessons later, but here they are for now:

• I saw what it was like to be loved by someone without reserve and with their whole heart. It was the most beautiful, pure aspect of life I have ever witnessed. There is no reason to settle for or expect anything less than this type of love from whomever my wife will be. Likewise, I want to project the same love.
• I have a lot to offer, whether it be as a boyfriend, husband, or father. I was not perfect and mishandled parts of my relationship with Vanesa. Yet that was alright with her and she loved me as I was. I saw that I need only be myself and, for the right person, that is enough. There is no need to put on a show or be like someone else.
• When we do not have God’s peace, there is a reason.
• Next time, I may need to reserve a few of my promises or comments for later. I made promises and reassured Vanesa in matters beyond my control.
• Have stated the aforementioned lesson, I don’t want to be cold either! Latin people are full of passion and that is a beautiful thing.
• I learned to make a decision outside of my emotions. This is more important than I can possibly explain. To make a decision you know is right in your head but at odds with your heart is darn near impossible. Frankly, sometimes it seems cruel and I still do not understand all of my decision or why I had to make it, but I know it’s right.
• There are few things more intimate than how we think. Our culture, class, upbringing, and a myriad of other circumstances affect our world view and have more importance than we know.
• Life happens. We’re going to do many things well and we’re going to err. But there will always be lessons to be learned, no matter what.

I thank God for my time in Argentina because it is developing me in much different ways than I had imagined–call it unorthodox if you will. The country has a different feel as a single man and I miss Vanessa dearly. But I know, for both of us, the best is yet to come.

In the case of the Roberts family, it was their pride that rubbed students and faculty alike the wrong way. When Lindsay spoke in chapel, you could find 1/3 to 1/2 of the guys on our floor in their rooms, skipping chapel. Who wanted to be scolded and lectured by someone who was always preaching from her high horse? It was difficult to respect someone who remodeled dorm rooms and reserved entire wings especially for her daughter and friends. And when she lectured on the spirit of Jezebel, most of the people in the chapel were thinking, “Look in the mirror.” Richard was somewhat better in chapel, but still carried a “my way or the highway” attitude. His pride was also apparent and I cringe as I see it in his chapel response to the latest allegations. He said God told him, “We live in a litigious society. Anyone can get mad and file a lawsuit against another person whether they have a legitimate case or not. This lawsuit … is about intimidation, blackmail and extortion.” This is a text book Richard Roberts answer.

I don’t mean to sound happy about what’s going on, because I’m not. But pride is the original sin of mankind and extremely hard to break. The Roberts are not submissive people and I think that if ORU is to have a future, one way or another they need to be put in their place and be stuffed full of humble pie. If you read the laundry list of misconduct, it becomes more and more obvious ORU only has a future without them leading it. But even without misconduct, such pride in the leadership would eventually spell the demise of the school. When it comes to correction, sooner is better than later.

It will be interesting to see the truth come out in the weeks and months ahead. My instinct is to trust Dr. Brooker and give him the benefit of the doubt. He is an honorable man, who loves the students and wants to see them succeed. I had several classes with him, went to Mississippi on a campaign trip, and spent a couple days with him and other ORU students in Washington D.C. He was instrumental in elevating student involvement in government and establishing connections with Washington D.C. and various state leaders. The leadership he provided will be sorely missed.

Again, the truth will be revealed with time. What’s sad is that, for most ORU students, it would not be hard to believe these types of allegations against Richard Roberts. There was a tangible cynicism on campus when it came to leadership of the school. It’s hard to articulate for outsiders, but everyone knew it was there. Angering the Roberts family was akin to angering the Clintons; you didn’t live to tell about it. Many students (and faculty I believe) loved the University and were grateful for how it brought people together, but despised how it was run. Dr. Brooker summed up my attitude and that of many others when he said in the press conference, “If they don’t make some very significant changes administratively, there won’t be an ORU much longer. Our goal is to help save the university.” Amen to that brother.

I owe a great debt of gratitude to ORU. The four years there changed my life. However, I could never wholeheartedly recommend it to others because of its internal problems. I pray they can come out of this for the better.

With more time in a foreign culture, it’s only inevitable that one misses the surroundings in which they were raised. But this isn’t so much a short-term missing home as it is trying to get a handle on a long-term perspective. Latin America has given me at least one unequivocal realization: I’m an American–and not just a little American either. As a conservative, the appreciation and love of country and the desire to maintain its traditions and greatness makes the attachment all that much stronger. I’m proud of my roots and believe living in the United States is a privilege one cannot understand until they are deprived of it for an extended (not just 2 week vacation) period of time. The heritage we gained from the English is something truly special that I hope to study and understand more in depth.

I’ve come to the painful, yet necessary realization that my dreams and future are in the United States. I say painful only because I have an girlfriend from another country. If I have to choose between Vanesa and living in the U.S., it’s not a contest. I pick the United States. This makes me feel cold and heartless, incapable of loving. Yet it’s the reality of life. While I enjoy my time here and love learning Spanish, I do not want to live here. Being here for a couple of years is one thing. The rest of my life is something that scares me to death.

Earlier, with less time in country and less perspective, I told Vanesa I could live with her in Argentina if it became necessary. Two weekends ago, I had to tell her I had realized I didn’t have this ability. Oh how we cried that weekend. At first she was devastated. She never wanted much–only a man that would love her with everything and do anything to be with her. It pained me to say that I could love her with everything minus one condition, the country.

But what if we live in the U.S.? This is the conundrum that torments me right now. Despite my inability to reciprocate the sentiment, Vanesa says she will live with me anywhere in the world. Even if it’s difficult, she wants to be with me and cannot imagine losing with me. This may very well be the case, but I can’t accept it right now because she has no sense of perspective. While her life has changed a great deal with the addition of a boyfriend, it’s not that different. She’s simply plugged me into her life. Consequently, she continues to feel closer to me even as I feel more distant. My great fear is that she can confidently commit now but will not be able to bear being without her homeland after we’ve lived in the U.S. for a while.

I’m torn because I see the peril and uncertainty in the situation. The cultural differences and mindset differences between a Latin American and a North American become clearer every day. At the same time, Vanesa is someone special with a love for me like I had never imagined. This type of love and commitment from a woman is not something to be pushed aside or labeled as common. Many people go their whole lives without ever encountering what I could have with her. Vanesa could be a special gift from God that requires faith and willingness to fight through the difficulties. I don’t want to make the decision in ignorance of the challenges. But I also don’t want to shy away from it because I want something comfortable and predictable. I don’t know what type of love I possess, whether it’s deep enough or not. I may have it but it’s currently masked by fear and uncertainty. I may have it but it drives me to say we can’t do this because I know how difficult it will be for her. Or maybe I don’t have a deep enough love and this situation is allowing me to realize it now, ahead of time.

I don’t have many answers right now. This is why it will be so nice to be at home. I need to be in a comfortable, familiar place to be able to clearly think about the most important decision of my life. I’m not capable of making it here in Buenos Aires. I’ve tried and it’s only exhausted me to the point where it hinders my ability to speak and think in Spanish. Being home will relax me, give me a different perspective, and time to seek the counsel of those I love. Despite my shortcomings in asking and trusting God, there’s no time like the present to begin. I want to do his will and hear from him. The lack of peace right now is a gift from him and I’m not going to make a decision one way or the other until I have his peace.

I miss everyone very much and look forward to seeing you. It’s going to be a really enjoyable trip home. And the blogging will get going again, I promise!

• Vanesa’s school registration
• Last 6 pay stubs
• Letter of employment
• Family history book (common here, but still not sure what it is)
• Copy of my apartment contract (hopefully to prove I have a reason to return as well)
• My bank statements (to show I can pay for her time in the U.S.)

Among the things suggested that she does not have are:

• Evidence of prior travel
• Monthly bank statements
• Titles of properties
• International credit cards & current statements
• Evidence of legal status of any family in US

Before the economic collapse of 2001, Argentines could visit the US with only a passport. The visa requirement was put into place to curb illegal immigration after hundreds of thousands had fled Argentina for the US and Europe. The basic idea is we need to prove Vanesa has significant ties to Argentina and will be coming back here rather than illegally staying in the United States.

Monday, June 11th at 8:30 a.m. is somewhat of a D-Day. We’re both trying to be confident, trust this into God’s hands, and not talk about what happens if she’s turned down. But I would be lying if I told you we aren’t really, really nervous. We would like to visit the US July 14th or 21st and stay for 3 or 4 weeks. It’s vital that Vanesa has a chance to meet my family and see the country. To say that there’s a lot at stake with this interview would be an extreme understatement.

I had been thinking about her studies for the last few weeks and it had really been on my mind the last few days, even before she returned from her trip. So, I decided to bring it up almost immediately when we were together at her apartment last night. I asked her about the importance of her graduation from the University of Buenos Aires–whether it was a big deal or just something she felt obligated to do. Without explaining why, she told me it was very important to her and she really wanted to finish her degree here. Without any hesitation, I told her that since it was that important to her, I would be willing to live in Buenos Aires at least until she completes her program in 2 years. You should have seen the look of contentedness on her face! She too had been mulling over the ramifications of our relationship on her education and had been nervous about broaching the subject. That I willingly offered, without being asked or the subject even being hinted at, meant the world to her.

She subsequently related why graduating was so important to her. After high school, she did not have any money to attend the University. To give you an idea what I mean by no money and the difference in our economies, you have to understand that the University of Buenos Aires is state-run and free for all Argentines. Vanesa worked and saved money for 3 or 4 years just to pay for books, supplies, and course materials. When she was 20 and work was harder to come by here in BA, she and her sister lived with a Korean woman for a year and worked in her clothing store. They didn’t earn much, but it was work. Upon entering the University, she worked diligently even when it was difficult. While other students were able to use computers and create elaborate projects more quickly, she had to do everything by hand. But she did so with a grateful attitude and received outstanding marks. I did not know any of this when I informed her of my willingness to stay here and felt reassured after hearing her story. For her to quit so close to finishing would be a shame.

The peace with which I came to this conclusion really startled me. My heart beat didn’t change nor did I feel a knot in my stomach as we talked about the future. At first, when I was hashing over the idea by myself, a big part of me felt like living here longer would be an excuse to put off returning to “real life” as it were. But what is real life any way? Having a 40 hour/week job, a mortgage, etc? No, those are superfluous matters and often an escape from the more important aspects of our existence. Part of real life is always seeking the best interest of one’s spouse before one’s own. It’s following God’s leading and asking him to teach us, regardless of geography. Who knows what lies ahead for us here in BA? (I can only imagine how well I’ll be able to speak Spanish!). Whatever it might be, God will take care of us. I had told Vanesa I would live with her wherever, and I meant it. She and my family will be first priority.

Trust is a two way street and the only way I can explain why I had been thinking about her education so much is to say God put it on my mind. The trust we are building with each other is incredible. Vanesa has cried on more than one occasion because she can’t believe God saved me for her or how well I treat her. Her only other boyfriend was mostly heartache and fighting and this relationship has been the complete opposite. It is straight out of her dreams. Last night as she was showing me souvenirs from her Bolivia trip, she pulled out a pair of thermal socks. She will most likely not need them in Buenos Aires, but bought them because she had been thinking about living in Minnesota.

Although I will probably have to cancel, I would prefer not to lose this plan because it will take me 2 or 3 years of new customer history for Sprint to offer me such a good deal. This package simply does not exist for new customers. I am going to call them and explain the situation and how I plan to be a lifelong customer. If this does not get me an exception, I will need a solution. Anyone have any brilliant suggestions? Does anyone want to use this plan at a discounted rate while I’m gone? Please send me an email if you have a stroke of genius.